Merry Christmas!!!

Tickled

Caitlyn loves to be tickled!  She'll ask for "more" or "again" over and over.  Her laugh is infectious...I can't get enough!

Third Go Around

When I first started writing this post a little over a week ago, I titled it Defeated.  I was feeling pretty down about our second cycle not working.  Especially because the numbers were in our favor.  The nurses and Dr's all thought this was going to work for us.  But it didn't. 
 
Our first cycle in October we used the same protocol that we did to get pregnant with Caitlyn. I took Femara (pill) from day 3 through day 8. I started Gonal-F injections on day 6 of my cycle. I did these injections for 5 days. I triggered ovulation with an HCG trigger shot and we did the IUI on Oct 25th. I took Caitlyn to daycare that day but took the day off so I could go home and lay down and just relax all day. I didn't respond very well this time around to those drugs. I think I had 2 follies (eggs) that may have been viable. I was still optimistic. I had "symptoms" the whole time I was waiting to test. That cycle failed.


Our second cycle in November we used a totally different protocol. On day 3 I started Follistim injections. I did this injection for 7 days. Then on day 8 I used a Ganirelix injection in the morning and then I took 2 lupron injections 12 hours apart for ovulation. We had great numbers this time around. I responded really well (25 eggs) to the meds that they put me on. Jared's numbers were the best they've ever been while we've been trying (42 million little swimmers). Two Dr's and all the nurses were talking to me about multiples. I think they were all convinced I'd be pregnant. Jared said he had the same feeling that he did when we were pregnant with Caitlyn, so he was convinced that I was pregnant. I had no symptoms this month. We also added another drug (Estradiol) to the protocol during my 2 week wait that I had never had to take before. When I talked to Jared about the multiples factor we both kind of laughed about it. Do you know who we are?  We'll be thankful for one.  This cycle failed.


We are in the middle of our third cycle.  Almost the same protocol as last cy only instead of 75 units of Follistim they lowered it to 50 units every day.   I'm on day 8 of injections and as of this morning I'll have at least 2 more.  I have another follow up appt on Wednesday morning and then hopefully IUI will be either Friday or Saturday morning. 


We started this process because I had met my deductible this year. This is my last cycle before the end of the year and our deductible starts over. I'm not sure what we'll do if this third cycle doesn't work. When we were trying to get pregnant with Caitlyn we were on our last cycle that Dr. M would let us do the IUI. She was pushing for IVF after that and we hadn't decided what we would do in that situation. And thankfully we didn't have to make a decision.

We found out that we were pregnant with Caitlyn on New Year's Eve in 2007...maybe we'll have another New Year's surprise!  I'm hoping I'm meant to be surrounded by Virgo's in this house and this will be our month! 

What Could Be Better....

...than free Christmas cards for us to send to family and friends this year?  Shutterfly is having a special for bloggers (to see more info click here ) 50 free Christmas cards for writing a blog post about their wonderful holiday cards!  Check out some of my favorites...although I'm not sharing my favorite as that has to be a surprise for the mailbox! 

For some reason I'm drawn to candy cane's on Christmas cards.  Since having Caitlyn the past 2 cards have had candy canes on them.  Something fun and childlike maybe???  That's why this one was one of my favorites.



I love the colors on this one!  And I thought I could put a family picture in the center with pictures of Caitlyn on either side. 


Oh Holy Night is one of my all time favorite Christmas songs so I think that's why this one speaks to me.  It reminds me of Midnight Mass as a child growing up.  So simple and beautiful.  


I'm also working on one of these for Christmas for Caitlyn...I've never made my own photo book before but have heard through the grapevine that kids love them.  And I know that Caitlyn loves looking at pictures of herself in my scrapbooks so it should be a great stocking stuffer for her this year! 

I'm so excited to order these cards and finish with our holiday photo shoot!  Christmas really is a wonderful time of year and I'd like to thank Shutterfly for adding a little bit of holiday cheer to my Christmas season this year! 

30 Things

On Facebook a lot of my friends and family are listing one thing they are thankful for each day this month.  So here are my 30 things I'm thankful for this year in random order. 

I am thankful for....

• My senses.  To be able to feel, taste, hear, see and touch when so many can't do one or many of these things.
• Our dog...Zeus.  He may be annoying but he teaches me patience and is so loving and forgiving.
• Our home.
• Caitlyn's daycare providers.
• Having my Jeep paid off this year! 
• Being able to refinance our house with half the interest rate and half the time!
• My online friends who have gotten me through some rough times over the past 5 years.  It's awesome to have girls to talk with about things that they understand when it seems no one else does.
• My real life friends who also listen to me when I need it and keep me occupied (take me out drinking) when I need distracted!
• My Faith.
• Pedicures with my sister.
• Our Freedom in America
• Our armed forces who help us keep our freedom.
• My job.
• Jared's work and that his work has still been plentiful this year.
• All of our extended family.
• The 2 vacations that we took this year.
• Modern medicine because without that we wouldn't have Caitlyn and wouldn't be trying for a brother or sister for Caitlyn.
• Sports that both Jared and I enjoy talking about and watching together.
• My marriage and feeling safe and secure in our relationship.
• My education
• Caitlyn's opportunities for education
• Season changes.  Waiting for snow now so Caitlyn can go out and really experience it!  
• My dad who did a great job raising 3 kids on his own!
• The love of cooking & baking.
• The love of hosting parties.
• Working electricity...enjoying our Christmas tree & Christmas music on my ipod this morning because of this awesome invention.
• Holiday's and time with family that we don't always have.
• My sister who gets me.  And has the same likes and hobbies as me so we can spend so much quality time together.
• Jared.  For being an awesome husband who brings me back to earth and keeps me in check. 
• Caitlyn.  For being the best daughter a mother could ask for.  Words can't describe how thankful I am for the gifts she brings me everyday! 

October Festivities

I know...it's November!  I'm behind...what else is new??? 


Fall is my new favorite season!  I used to think spring was my favorite season, but only because I hated winter and couldn't wait for it to be warm again.  But all my favorite holiday's are in the fall.  So it makes sense that would be my favorite season.  It all starts with Jared and Caitlyn's birthday's in September.  Then we have the pumpkin patch and Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas!  It's a wonderful time of year!  I was (and still am) disappointed that I didn't blog about our pumpkin patch adventure last year.  It was one of my favorite memories, so I wanted to be sure that I got it in this year! 


We went to Vala's Pumpkin Patch on a Saturday (Oct 9th).  Last year it was just Caitlyn, Me and Aunt Bethy.  This year Jared really wanted to go with us because it's all I talked about last year!  It's like a mini amusement park!  I don't even buy our pumpkins there...we go for all the other attractions and the picture opportunities!  This year we...


Watched Pig Races






Played on the tractors




Watched the bunnies in their houses




Ate succotash, homemade potato chips and warm chocolate chip cookies




Got Measured




Uncle Josh wrangled a calf




Fed the goats




Went down the big slide




Cuddled with Harrison

Then we rolled into Halloween.  I looked all over for a costume for Caitlyn.  Since she was a sugar plum fairy last year I really wanted something that wasn't fairy / princess like.  I found this super cute girly clown costume.  Jared wasn't sold on it.  He said clowns were creepy.  And I agree SOME clowns can be creepy...but she was so cute! 

We didn't really go trick or treating.  We just went to see all the grandparents.  She had a great time handing out candy at Grandma and Grandpa Darlings house!  I thought she might be too shy or scared of all the people but she loved it! 

Now it's on to my two favorite holiday's! 

What's Caitlyn Doing Now

• She can now gallop. And as she's galloping through the house she's repeating it over and over again!

• During car rides she points things out. And she'll keep repeating whatever she's seen until you repeat what  she's said. She wants to make sure that you've understood exactly what she said. Her favorites at the moment are yellow school buses, big trucks, airplanes and slides when she sees a park.

• She can correctly identify the colors yellow, blue, purple, pink and sometimes green.  She calls orange, pumpkin.  

• She can pull up and down her pullup and pants to go to the bathroom.

• She also likes to empty her potty in the toilet and rinse it out in the sink and put it back. I then have to go around and clean up the mess she leaves behind. But this makes her so proud I can't tell her no.

• She's staying dry in her pullup 85% of the time.

• She can also put her pants on from being off.  Can't quite put her shirt on by herself yet.

• She is learning to put on her socks...she's been able to put most of her shoes on for awhile now.

• She loves helping feed and give water to Zues. She also loves giving him his treat for going in his kennel.

Vaction Trips Part 2

We (Jared, Me & Tony) left for Atlanta on September 29th. We worked half days that Wednesday. Caitlyn stayed with Aunt Bethy and Uncle Josh for a couple of days and then with Grandpa and Grandma Darling for the 2nd half of our trip. She did great...I keep telling people I don't think she missed us at all! So we flew to Atlanta Wednesday night for Festivus Kimmie 2010 aka Kimmie's 30th birthday celebration! From the airport we went out for dinner and drinks at a place called Taco Mac. Yummy and strong Margarita's! Our first night there Christy had a little...mishap. She doesn't remember what happened but Kimmie found her outside bleeding all over the place. We thought we might have to take her to the ER for stitches. She banged up her face pretty badly. So much so she felt like she had to hide from the camera the rest of the weekend.  Thursday morning we went to Charming Charlies...the best accessories store ever! I was so overwhelmed. I probably could have spent all day there and spent way more money than I actually did. At one point I think I had 6 or 7 purses on my arm. It was hard putting some of them back. But I did. Jared may have killed me had I not! Thursday afternoon we went to the outlet mall...always lots of fun! Did some shopping for Caitlyn here. Thursday night we went to a Cuban restaurant (can't remember the name off hand). It was good food. But us girls were still pretty hung over from the night before. So we didn't stay out late and didn't drink a whole lot. Friday we left for Savannah...let Festivus Kimmie 2010 begin! Savannah is so beautiful and so much fun. You can take your drinks with you while you walk outside. The riverwalk has tons of fun shops and great food! There was good music playing Friday night. Saturday night we did the haunted pub crawl which just wasn't as fun as the first time. Better not to try and relive old memories. We had great food where ever we went.  In Savannah each restaurant had a creamy crap soup that was to die for!  Overall we just had so much fun! Sunday we drove back to Atlanta and went to an Italian retaurant for Kimmie's actual birthday dinner.  This was the only time we actually ordered dessert...chocolate cake...yummy!  Monday we flew home. I missed Caitlyn so much while we were gone...and while I had fun...was glad to be home with my little girl again!

The Birthday Girl

The Birthday Bitch's Entourage!



Vacation Trips Part 1

We (Jared, me, Caitlyn, Uncle Tony in one car and Grandpa Jansen, Aunt Bethy, Uncle Josh and Harrison in another) left for Brainerd MN on Caitlyn's birthday, September 14th for my cousin Lisa's wedding. We decided to work most of the day and leave around 4 or 5 so that hopefully Caitlyn would sleep most of the way of the 8 hour trip. This did not go according to plan. We stopped for dinner. She ate well. It took her 3 hours to fall asleep. She does not sleep well in her car seat. She wanted to stretch out and lay down. She slept from about 10:00pm to about 12:30am and then woke up and was awake for the rest of the trip. We got to the house we rented at about 2:30am. She was fussy for awhile after waking up, but once she was really awake she wasn't too bad. She did go right to sleep once we got her pack & play set up and put her down. And surprisingly she didn't sleep in the next morning. She was a little bit of a handful, not sure why...maybe because she was out of her element. So the terrible 2's showed themselves more than normal. And my brother didn't have any problems telling us that our daughter is horrible. Of course someone who doesn't have any children knows how to better parent than us. Jared and I took the high road as to not ruin our vacation. We just ignored the comments as much as we could and let it be. We rented a house on the lake for Tuesday through Sunday. The house was actually about half a mile from the lake on 7 acres of land. But they had a golf cart that you could take down the trail to the lake so you didn't have to walk. This was great for my dad! We had a fun time. A lot of firsts for Caitlyn!




First Boat Ride



First time playing putt putt golf

                                  

First time swinging in a tire swing

First Bon Fire at the lake

First time fist bumping Harrison

First time dancing on the dance floor at a wedding

It was chilly but not super cold while we were there. I love fall weather and wearing my hoodies! The day of the wedding was beautiful! They got married at a local resort. Jared missed most of the ceremony because Caitlyn was acting up and he had to take her back to the car. But we all had a great time at the reception. Caitlyn and my little cousin Faith had so much fun dancing and running around! Jared and I were watching her and I got tears in my eyes. She was growing into her own little person right before my eyes! We left Sunday morning to come back home. She slept about the same on the way home, but she wasn't fussy or cranky. Very easy to appease on the way home! Over all we had a great time with just a little family drama. But what family vacation doesn't have a little drama?

2nd Birthday Celebrations

A little late I know! September and the first part of October have been crazy busy! Starting with Caitlyn's birthday. Then a trip to MN for my cousin Lisa's wedding and a trip to Atlanta for my cousin Kimmie's birthday...more on those in another post. Plus Dr. appts for everyone in our household and work and excursions.


We had Caitlyn's birthday party the Saturday before her birthday (Sept 11th). We decided to only invite immediate family and a few of our close friends this year. Last year for her first birthday I think we over did it a little bit and Jared and I didn't really get to enjoy it. This year we were looking for a more laid back party and we got exactly what we wanted! I put together a photo montage of Caitlyn's 2nd year. We watched this. Ate cake and ice cream and opened presents. Caitlyn is so loved...she is such a lucky little girl!

Then on Sunday we went to the zoo. Last year Aunt Beth and I took Caitlyn on her actual birthday. This year because of my time off for the surgery in July and the time off for our 2 trips I couldn't take her actual birthday off. So we went the Sunday before. And this time Daddy, Uncle Josh and Harrison got to join us! This is definitely an annual tradition I want to keep going! It is so much fun with her knowing the animals and being able to point them out and tell us what they are! I tried to take her on the carousel but she wouldn't sit on any of the animals. So we had to sit on the bench. Hopefully next year will be better!
On her actual birthday I had to work and that night we left for MN. I did get cupcakes for her to take to school. And she got to wear her birthday girl shirt.

Overall I think she had a great birthday week! We can't celebrate just one day for birthday's in our house. It's at least a week long celebration!

Mommy

This week Caitlyn called me mommy instead of mama.  And it seems to have stuck.  I kind of liked the mama and hoped she wouldn't switch.  She's been calling Jared daddy for some time now, but had kept calling me mama during that time.  But in just the last few days my mamas have become almost non-existent.  It makes me sad.  Well...happy and sad.  Because each new development that she has makes me happy and oh so proud of my sweet little girl! 

Caitlyn's 2nd birthday is coming up in less than 2 weeks...we have fun things planned and I'll be posting about her stats and milestones soon too! 

 

Wind in Her Face

Since she was itty bitty Caitlyn has loved the wind in her face.  Take her outside in the breeze and she will perk up, smile and just laugh!  The other day I rolled the windows down in the car and I hear this screech from the back seat.  It was pure happiness from Caitlyn!  On Saturday mornings I get her up and we go into our bedroom to wake up Jared.  We always have the fan going (I need this to sleep).  She was sitting there and every time the fan blew on her she would blow back.  It was so cute!  I wish I could get a picture of this happiness on her face, but it never works that way!  I'll keep trying!

Healthy Living

I've been wanting to get my act together and lose this "baby" (and lets be honest...pre-baby) weight for some time now. I've been going to the gym since February but for some reason hadn't been able to get the food part under control. The first two weeks after my surgery I was really sick. Nothing sounded good. I felt nauseous each time I tried to eat. It took the nurses and finally Dr. O awhile to figure out what was causing me to feel so sick. But I have to say looking back I'm glad I went through that. It seemed to kick start my weight loss. And since then I've really been watching my portion control. Trying to stick to 1200 calories a day (which doesn't always happen). And last night I started going to the gym again.

I have struggled with my weight since high school.  I love food.  And if it's in front of me I just keep eating.  Even if I'm full.  I often feel like something is wrong with me because I can't control the cravings.  I'm an emotional eater and it was (and still is) controlling me. 

It's also hard because Jared can basically eat whatever he wants and doesn't gain an oz.  So he likes to have his cookies & milk or ice cream before bed while watching the news.  And I can't say no to temptation.  We have had many arguments about this in the past.  He's been doing a little bit better.  He's found a cookie that he likes that I don't.  So that's all we are buying at the moment.  So no temptation for me at night before bed.  The vending machines are still a temptation at work.  It's a work in progress.  And I'm still learning that I need to portion my food at meals prior to taking it to the table at dinner or cutting it in half at a restaurant and only eating one half.  When I'm out with Bethy we share a meal so I can't be tempted to eat the other half!  Sometimes it's easy...others not so much.  But I do notice that I am full after eating just a half portion.  And it lasts just as long as if I had eaten a whole portion. 


It feels good! I'm starting to see a difference in the way my clothes fit. I'm getting compliments from people about how I look like I've lost weight. I don't "see" it when I look in the mirror or just look down at myself when I'm getting dressed. But little steps to the big picture!

Toddler Tidbits

Every day we get a sheet that says what Caitlyn did that day from daycare.  They call them Toddler Tidbits.  I just had to share todays!

"Today we popped some bubble wrap and popped some bubbles outside.  Caitlyn made breakfast for Liam in the home living area this morning.  He must of appreciated it because he gaver her a kiss.  I wish I had my camera on me."

So cute! 

Baby Making Train

I just realized I hadn't posted an update about our appt with Dr. M!  We met with her on Friday June 18th.  Let me just say first that I love her!  She is wonderful and I am so grateful that she is our Dr and the one helping us get pregnant again!  She is very confident that since we know what it takes to get us pregnant that it won't take us long this time.  We have a few tests that we have to do but she thought we should wait for at least two months after my surgery before we commence with the testing and then the procedures.  I had asked her if she thought I could put the surgery off until after we have another baby.  I really didn't want to have this surgery so I was trying to get out of it.  Even though I knew what her answer was going to be.  She didn't want to chance me getting another infection while I was pregnant.  I wouldn't be able to take the drugs I would need to fight the infection and the infection could spread to the baby.  We definitely wouldn't have wanted to take that chance.  I hadn't even thought of that possibility.  So I called Dr. O that Monday and they scheduled me for surgery that Friday.

So in September Jared and I will go in for blood draws and I'll also have a sonohysterogram done to make sure that my tubes are nice and open and ready to conceive a baby!  As long as all our test results come back normal we'll start the IUI process in October!  It's actually perfect timing because we'll be taking 2 long weekend vacations mid September and early October!  It's all falling into place very nicely!  Hopefully it keeps going this way!     

Mama's Surgery

In May I started having tailbone pain.  I thought maybe Caitlyn had bruised it while we were playing on the floor or something.  Even though I couldn't remember doing anything that would cause this pain.  By the end of May the pain was getting worse and I was starting to bleed back there.  So then I was self diagnosing myself with hemorrhoids.  On Sunday May 23rd Jared finally started googling and was convinced that something much more serious was wrong with me.  So on Monday May 24th I made an appt with a Dr. who I had never met before.  I've never really needed a family Dr. I just have my OBGYN.  So a co-worker recommended a couple of Drs. to me.  Dr. A was able to get me in that morning.  I had made the appt under the assumption that I had horrible hemorrhoids.  Turns out that wasn't the case.  She diagnosed me with a Pilonidal cyst.  She prescribed an antibiotic to get rid of the infection and she referred me to a surgeon.  I had my first appt with Dr. O on May 25th.  He finally prescribed me pain meds.  He stated it looked like the cyst was draining on it's own at the time.  I had 2 more follow up visits with him to make sure that happened completely.  If it hadn't drained on it's own I would have had to have 2 surgery's.  One to drain the cyst and then another to have it removed.  Thankfully I only had to have the one to remove it!  

I scheduled the surgery for Friday June 25th (Jared and I's Anniversary).  When I scheduled the surgery I didn't even put two and two together that is was our anniversary.  Oh well.  I just wanted to get this done and over with!    The cyst was on my lower tailbone.   The Dr. warned me that depending on how much tissue and muscle he had to take out he may not be able to close the wound.  He may have to pack the wound and we'd have to let it heal from the inside out.  This was my biggest fear.   We went in Friday morning.  The nurse was wonderful!  The IV didn't hurt and wasn't sore afterwards.  I think that's the best IV I've ever had!  Dr. O came and talked with me.  Then they wheeled me back.  The first thing I asked the nurse when I woke up was if they were able to close the wound.  Of course she didn't know.  I had to wait and ask Jared when they let him back to see me.  I couldn't believe how quickly they had me get up and walk and try to sit / lay in a regular chair.  I was so nauseous.  The nausea medicine wasn't working real well for me.  We had to stay quite a bit longer than we would have had I not been so sick. 

The car ride home was horrible.  I slept the rest of the day while Jared went to pick up Caitlyn and took care of her. 

The first week I was miserable.  I was sick to my stomach all week.  I thought it was the pain meds.  The nurse thought it was constipation.  So I started taking different laxatives.  Going to the bathroom didn't really help.  When I finally saw Dr. O on July 1st he thought it was the pain meds.  So I switched to Ibuprofen.  Much better!  I was still feeling depressed.  I couldn't go anywhere.  I was cooped up in the house.  I couldn't sit in a chair.  I could only lay in bed or on the couch.  It sucked!

I went to Beth and Josh's on July 3rd for a bbq.  I was really uncomfortable.  I laid down after dinner in Beth's bed before we left. 

I finally started feeling good enough to sit with my blow up donut on July 8th.  Beth actually got me out of the house this day too and it was wonderful! 

July 9th I started bleeding a little again.  I thought something was wrong.  Turns out this is normal.  And can keep happening for sometime.  I saw Dr. O again on July 13th.  He basically said he's my cheerleader for the next few visits.  To let me know that I am getting better even though I'm still sore.  And it probably doesn't feel like it's getting any better.  Wonderful. 

I start back to work next Monday on the 19th.  I'll do half days next week and then go back full time the next week.  I'm nervous about sitting for that long a period of time.  But it has to be done.

5 Year Anniversary

On June 25th Jared and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary.  We didn't really get to celebrate because I had surgery (which I will post about soon) that day but we recognized the time we've been together.  We actually met and started dating pretty quickly.  We were together for 4 years prior to getting married.  So we've been together for 9 years.  Some days it feels much shorter than that and others much longer!  One thing that I can say is that I love Jared more and more each day.  He provides for our family and worries endlessly about how he's going to do that on a daily basis.  He takes care of me when I'm sick and out of commission.  He takes care of me when I'm feeling down.  He's trying to support me on my weight loss journey and while I can appreciate his thoughts on this it's hard for me to listen because he's never had to go through the process.  He is an awesome daddy to Caitlyn and she loves him like no other!    He makes me laugh with his silly totally inappropriate comments.  I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone other than him.  He is my rock and he leads our family in many directions.  I look forward to the next 5 years to see where we are and how we change our growing family. 

Daddy's Song Writing

So today I found something that Jared had written in an old notebook.  I asked him what it was and he said he wrote it one night during Caitlyn's colic days.  We used to sing to her to try and get her to stop crying.  I thought this was so sweet....

Because she always takes care of me
When I'm sick, hungry and tired, she loves me
My mommy loves me with all of her big heart
She lets me play in the bath tub with my ducky
She makes me laugh when she blows in my face and
holds me in the air

He never finished it.  Then he drew hearts all over the bottom of the page.  Sleep deprivation will do funny things to a person!  The thing is that usually he was the one that would get her to calm down and to sleep.  She would fall asleep on his legs for periods of time longer than any other place during those days and nights.  I am so happy we are past that and we now have the happiest little girl! 

Celebrating 32!

Today I turn 32.  Just another number!  I actually like to celebrate my birthday all week.  I think I need more than just one day! But today I took the day off work.  Aunt Beth and I took Caitlyn to the zoo.  I had sushi rolls from HyVee for lunch.  I got sunburned while at the zoo.  We came home and Caitlyn took a nap.  I would have too...but I'm a horrible nap taker.  I filled Caitlyn's pool so that she could go swimming in her little yellow polka dot bikini!  Then Jared took me to dinner at Red Lobster.  Yum! 

I am so thankful for another year.  My life is good.  I have great family and friends.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me for me (even when I'm driving him crazy).  I have my beautiful, loving, sweet, tantrum throwing, hug and kiss giving baby (toddler) girl.  And we're embarking on another journey to try and grow our family.  What more could a girl ask for? 

Frustration

The other day I picked Caitlyn up from daycare.  One of her teachers asks me if when Caitlyn is upset or frustrated at home if she head butts.  Um yeah.  She's been doing this for awhile.  I talked to her pediatrician about this at her 18 month appointment.  She assured me that this is normal toddler behavior.  That because she can't communicate with words she finds other ways to show she's upset or frustrated.  When we went to Waterloo for Aunt Beth's baby shower with Uncle Josh's family she had one of these episodes.  She got upset with me for telling her no (I don't even remember for what) and she hit her head on the HARDWOOD FLOOR!  In front of all of these people that I don't even know.  Hard enough that she had an immediate goose egg on her forehead.  I was so embarrassed.  Miss A (Caitlyn's teacher) said she had never seen this before.  She's seen kids hit other kids, teachers & parents.  But never the head butting.  Great...thanks.  The thing is...I understand the wanting to get the frustration out and not necessarily knowing how.  And I can use words.  But having the use of words doesn't always help either.  It's just how Caitlyn copes at the moment.  And we have to help her learn new less violent ways to vent that frustration. 

Mommy Brain

When you get pregnant they tell you that you start to loose your memory.  They call it pregnancy brain.  It doesn't get much better once you have the baby.  They just change the forgetfulness to mommy brain. 


Yesterday Jared, Caitlyn and I went to Home Depot to get tomato plant cages.  We get to the truck and Jared starts loading up while I take Caitlyn and put her in her car seat.  I then proceed to get into the truck while Jared puts the cart away.  We drive off.  We get to our next destination...Babies R Us.  Which is when I realize that I left my purse in the cart at Home Depot.  I start freaking out.  I got mad at Jared for not noticing.  He blamed it on the fact that my purse is orange and blends in with the carts at Home Depot.  Had we been at Lowes he would have seen it.  We drive back.  The whole way back I'm thinking about everything in my purse.  My wallet.  All our credit cards.  Our checkbook.  My phone.  My personal notebook.  I couldn't believe I didn't grab it! 


We got back to Home Depot and luckily my purse was still in the cart out in the parking lot.  It took awhile for my heartbeat to slow down.  I turned to Caitlyn and told her that I was losing my mind...she looked at me and laughed. 

Vegetable Garden

I'm really excited about my gardening venture.  I decided to start small this year and if it works then next year I'll do even more!  About a month ago I cleaned out the spot that was riddled with weeds on the side of the house.  Jared and I discussed for weeks where the best spot for my veggie garden should be.  The side of the house already had a long narrow place which I think is going to be perfect!  It's got sun light all day long.  And the soil was already perfect for my veggies to grow! 

A couple weeks ago I bought 2 tomato plants and cucumber and zucchini seeds.  I planted the tomato plants right away.  I waited until Mothers Day to plant the seeds.  Thankfully grandpa Rich was there to help me plant the seeds or I would have done it all wrong.  And I would have been attacked by killer bumble bees!  Apparently these bumble bees like to bury their hives in the ground.  That was not a fun experience!   But we got my rows of seeds planted and now we just wait!

Last year grandpa Rich and grandma Kendy brought us veggies from their garden every week.  Caitlyn loved the fresh cucumbers and zucchini they brought over.  So I thought this year why wait for them to bring it for us...when we can just go out and pick what we need when we want it?!  Hopefully this works.  I haven't had the best luck with plants / flowers in general before.  This is why I started small. 

I had meant to take pictures along the way...but got so excited about pulling the weeds (I know crazy thought) and getting started that I forgot!  So before and after pictures with my next post about this will be coming....

Storm Chaser

Jared is in the wrong profession. He should have been a storm chaser. This man loves the spring / summer storm season. He's addicted to the Doppler radar on the tv / internet. He drives me crazy with it all.



For instance...he made me cry the day we got married. We had planned an outdoor wedding. It was raining when I woke up. Bethy had stayed the night with me and Jared had stayed at his mom's house. Bethy left early to go to the salon to get her hair done. I was freaking out because I didn't have a back up plan for rain. So I was calling rental places to see if we could get a tent. No such luck. You have to have permits for that in public parks. Of course you do?! So I left for the salon. It was raining on and off. Jared calls me at about 10 to say the radar is going crazy. It's all red. There's no way we are getting married outside. I start bawling. The stylist doesn't know what to do. I hang up with him. Everyone tries to calm me down. I finish getting my hair and make-up done. When we leave the rain has stopped and the sun is starting to come out. We end up getting married outdoors...just like we planned. But I will never let Jared live down that phone call.



When I was pregnant with Caitlyn we got woken up by sirens in the middle of the night. Jared's getting the lap top and rushing around the house getting stuff to go downstairs. I take my time and go to the bathroom. He yells at me for not going to the bathroom downstairs in the basement. I hate that toilet, the seat is broken. Our sirens go off every year...hardly ever is there an actual tornado. Except this year. The tornado hit 5 blocks from our house. We had some tree damage, but thankfully no damage to the house. This time he was right.



Last year we didn't have any severe storms. Our weather was pretty lame. But it's storm season again and Jared is all about it! I worry about the sirens going off and us having to wake Caitlyn to go into the basement. Once we wake her I worry that when the storm has passed she won't be able to go back to sleep. But I want her to be safe...so if / when the storms come we will all go downstairs as quickly as possible. Hopefully it won't scare her too much. Right now as we speak she is sleeping through the thunder and lightning. I'm hoping that lasts through the summer! As I've said before...my girl can sleep!

I'm praying for another quiet storm season. Deep down I know Jared is praying for a more active storm season. He loves the adrenaline rush from it all!

Baby Dedication

Jared and I were both raised Catholic. We both went to Catholic Elementary school's and Jared even went to a Catholic High School for a couple of years before that school shut down and he transferred to public school. I've really struggled with the direction of my faith since a bad experience at my Catholic church with the priest there at the time. I stopped going altogether for a long time. Then I met Jared and he and I started going to different church services with his dad and Kendy for holiday's. Usually Christmas. The first time we went to an Interdenominational service it was way too different for me. The Christmas service felt more like a Christmas pageant than a church service. So Rich & Kendy would find other services that were closer to the catholic service so that we could all still go together. And I would be more comfortable. Then Jared and I started going to the regular church services sporadically through out the year on non-holidays. And I started to fall in love with the music and the sermons and the people. In the past couple of months we've gone to a couple of services at All Nations Church which worships in the auditorium of Millard South High School. The people and the Pastor's are so welcoming! They all already know Rich and Kendy so that probably helps, but it amazes me how they have opened their hearts to us and they remember who we are. It's an awesome feeling!

In the Catholic Church babies are usually baptized as a new baby. At All Nations (and I'm assuming most Interdenominational churches) they believe that baptism should be a decision that you make as an adult. You should be able to CHOOSE if you want to be baptized or not. So instead they do baby dedications. They dedicate your baby to God. We decided we wanted to do this for Caitlyn. So last Sunday (April 18th, 2010) we invited our immediate family and Caitlyn's God Parents (Nicole and Donnie) to the church service and the dedication and then to our house for lunch and dessert afterwards. There were 13 families there dedicating their baby or child to God. Pastor Murdoch was presiding over the dedication of the children. They had all the families come up to the front and stand in a half circle. Then they called each family to the center one at a time. Pastor Lincoln put his hands on Caitlyn and said a prayer. Then he was silent for a moment. Then he started talking about what he felt on his heart from the Lord about our baby girl. He said he saw art and flowers and colors. I missed part of it because I was holding Caitlyn and she was starting to squirm. But Jared told me on the way home that he also said he felt music from her. This was spot on! She loves playing music on her instruments. Grandma Kendy is already showing her the piano and she is so interested! She loves dancing whenever a good dance song comes on the radio. Sometimes in the car I'll look in the mirror and she'll be sucking her thumb and bopping her head or waving her hand to the music. So when Jared told me that it floored me! Anyway...back to the moment. We went and sat down after Pastor Lincoln finished sharing about her. It was such an overwhelming feeling that I can't find the words to explain. I had no idea what to expect from this. I had never participated or seen anything like this before. So I was a little apprehensive going into it. But I am so happy that we did it! What a wonderful thing to share together as a family!

18 Months

Caitlyn turned 18 months on March 14th! Today we had her 18 month check up with Dr. W! She is growing so fast and is in perfect health! Today she weighs 25lbs and 4oz. She's now 31 1/2 in long. So for her weight she's in the 60th percentile and for her height she's in the 75th percentile. Our growing monkey!

She's in a climbing stage and seems to have no fear! A couple of weeks ago she dived off the couch and Jared and I both held our breath. She came up laughing. That isn't always the case though. Usually we are having to ask her a million times to sit on her bottom on a chair. And to be careful because she's going to fall. It's all a little nerve wracking! At least most of the time she doesn't have far to fall!

Here We Go Again!

So awhile ago I changed the name of this blog because I wanted to write about Jared and I as well as stories and milestones about Caitlyn. But I never got into the grove of writing about Jared and I. And I've been lacking with the Caitlyn stories as well! So I hope to be posting much more!

Jared and I have been talking about trying for #2 and it's getting pretty serious. For the longest time after Caitlyn was born when people asked when we were going to try for # 2 I would laugh and say never. I would joke that if we were to have another one we'd be getting a "Tony" (my brother). A child who doesn't sleep, and was a terror as a child! My dad jokes about this all the time. I was the perfect baby. I would sleep all night long almost from the moment they brought me home. I would wake up in the mornings and I would play in my crib until someone came to get me. I was laid back. I was potty trained by 18 months. Then Tony came along. I tell people that my daughter spoils me...not the other way around! Although she gets her fair share! She goes to bed at 7:30...sleeps through the night...and on the weekends usually sleeps until 9:00. She still takes 2-3 hour naps on the weekends in the afternoons. My girl can sleep! She's also pretty self sufficient. She can play on her own for periods of time or adjusts her play to whatever we may be doing around the house. It's awesome. So I worry that the next baby might not be as easy. But I'm to the point that that would be ok. That I wouldn't love that baby any less if he/she didn't sleep through the night. Or kept me on my toes a little more. So we are ready to start this journey again.

Last week I had my blood drawn to test my progesterone. The test came back border line and Dr. N said he thought that we'd need assistance again to get pregnant. So I called the fertility clinic and made an appointment with Dr. M for June. I could have made an appointment with her partner for April. I had started out with Dr. R the first time we were at the clinic. After my MC though I switched to Dr. M and I felt a connection. So I feel that it's worth the wait to be able to see her. Since it's been over a year since I've been seen we're basically starting from scratch. I'm hoping the journey towards # 2 is much shorter than our journey for Caitlyn. But Caitlyn was worth the heartache and the wait and # 2 will be as well.

I really debated about writing about this on this blog. But I figure I'm like an open book anyway. Most people knew / know what we went through with Caitlyn and we can use all the support we can get from family / friends! Plus writing has always helped me process information as well. I don't see how I could go wrong!

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

I was perusing another blog of someone who is still going through her infertility journey. She has a page with quotes that inspire her in her blog. This one was fitting....so I'm copying it here to share and to remember.

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Communicating

Caitlyn is really learning to communicate with us more and more! Both with sign language and with her words! I knew that they taught them sign language at the daycare...I just didn't believe that she would pick up on it and use it. So it was to my great surprise when we were out to dinner with Jared's family she showed me what she knew. She was doing her normal waving her hands and arms up and down which was her way of telling me more. Jared's sister Shanna looked at Caitlyn and said "more" and did the sign. And Caitlyn did it back! I couldn't believe it! Shanna worked in a daycare for about 6 months and they taught sign language there. I was amazed! So I've been trying to really use the signs that she's learned and focus on making sure she's doing them correctly. So far (that I know of) she can do eat, more, water, please, thank you, fruit, & milk. They are learning sorry now in her room at daycare.

She is starting to say more words as well. A lot of times she just says the first part of the word, not the whole word. But she's getting so much better! Now when I pick her up at daycare she runs to her coat saying coat over and over again! When we get home and I'm taking her out of her car seat she starts chanting dada and Zues because she knows we are home and that they are going to be there to greet her. I love how much she is learning and to watch her process what she sees and hears.