18 Months

Caitlyn turned 18 months on March 14th! Today we had her 18 month check up with Dr. W! She is growing so fast and is in perfect health! Today she weighs 25lbs and 4oz. She's now 31 1/2 in long. So for her weight she's in the 60th percentile and for her height she's in the 75th percentile. Our growing monkey!

She's in a climbing stage and seems to have no fear! A couple of weeks ago she dived off the couch and Jared and I both held our breath. She came up laughing. That isn't always the case though. Usually we are having to ask her a million times to sit on her bottom on a chair. And to be careful because she's going to fall. It's all a little nerve wracking! At least most of the time she doesn't have far to fall!

Here We Go Again!

So awhile ago I changed the name of this blog because I wanted to write about Jared and I as well as stories and milestones about Caitlyn. But I never got into the grove of writing about Jared and I. And I've been lacking with the Caitlyn stories as well! So I hope to be posting much more!

Jared and I have been talking about trying for #2 and it's getting pretty serious. For the longest time after Caitlyn was born when people asked when we were going to try for # 2 I would laugh and say never. I would joke that if we were to have another one we'd be getting a "Tony" (my brother). A child who doesn't sleep, and was a terror as a child! My dad jokes about this all the time. I was the perfect baby. I would sleep all night long almost from the moment they brought me home. I would wake up in the mornings and I would play in my crib until someone came to get me. I was laid back. I was potty trained by 18 months. Then Tony came along. I tell people that my daughter spoils me...not the other way around! Although she gets her fair share! She goes to bed at 7:30...sleeps through the night...and on the weekends usually sleeps until 9:00. She still takes 2-3 hour naps on the weekends in the afternoons. My girl can sleep! She's also pretty self sufficient. She can play on her own for periods of time or adjusts her play to whatever we may be doing around the house. It's awesome. So I worry that the next baby might not be as easy. But I'm to the point that that would be ok. That I wouldn't love that baby any less if he/she didn't sleep through the night. Or kept me on my toes a little more. So we are ready to start this journey again.

Last week I had my blood drawn to test my progesterone. The test came back border line and Dr. N said he thought that we'd need assistance again to get pregnant. So I called the fertility clinic and made an appointment with Dr. M for June. I could have made an appointment with her partner for April. I had started out with Dr. R the first time we were at the clinic. After my MC though I switched to Dr. M and I felt a connection. So I feel that it's worth the wait to be able to see her. Since it's been over a year since I've been seen we're basically starting from scratch. I'm hoping the journey towards # 2 is much shorter than our journey for Caitlyn. But Caitlyn was worth the heartache and the wait and # 2 will be as well.

I really debated about writing about this on this blog. But I figure I'm like an open book anyway. Most people knew / know what we went through with Caitlyn and we can use all the support we can get from family / friends! Plus writing has always helped me process information as well. I don't see how I could go wrong!

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

I was perusing another blog of someone who is still going through her infertility journey. She has a page with quotes that inspire her in her blog. This one was fitting....so I'm copying it here to share and to remember.

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.