Loving Two

LOVING TWO


I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.


Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.


And I wonder, how could I love another child as I love you?


Then he is born, and I watch you.


I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.


I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" and I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't".


Knowing in fact that I never can again.


You cry, I cry with you.


I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.


A relationship we can never have again.


But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.


I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him -- as though I am betraying you.


But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.


More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.


The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.


But something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two.


There are new times -- only now we are three.


I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.


I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long.


I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.


I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you.


I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.


I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.


And my question is finally answered to my amazement.


Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you, only differently.


And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love.


There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.


I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.


---Author Unknown

Cole's Dedication

We had Cole dedicated Sunday February 12th.  I was really looking forward to this.  When Caitlyn got dedicated (you can ready that story here) I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect.  Growing up Catholic we were all baptized as babies, wore white, had Godparents, family gathering and everyone went on their merry way.  I felt stupid asking the organizer what Caitlyn should wear to the dedication...I just didn't want her to stick out!  At that time we weren't going to church regularly and were still spouting the "we pray at home in our own way" lines because that's what we believed.  We didn't think we needed any direction in our faith as long as we believed we'd go to heaven and that was that. 


This time I was much more at peace with our decision and the timing of it all.  Caitlyn was 18 months when we had her dedicated.  Cole was 5 months.  Usually they do the dedications in the spring and only once a year.  This year for whatever reason they decided to do it earlier in the year.  There were 9 babies being dedicated this year.  They called us up one couple at a time. 


Caitlyn was feeling a little overwhelmed.  After the first 2 she was insistent that she needed her hands washed after having a sucker from Sunday School.  Neither Jared or I could take her in case they called us up.  Thankfully Josh's sister Amy (Beth and Josh were having Harrison dedicated as well) took her for me.  Caitlyn had started to throw a fit on the floor and I was starting to panic!  And she made it back before Harrison or Cole were called and didn't miss anything! 


They called our name and we went up.  Caitlyn had another freak out moment and Jared had to hold her while I held Cole.  Pastor Murdoch (the same pastor who dedicated Caitlyn) said a prayer and then talked about what he felt the Lord's plan for Cole was.  He talked about Pastoral Care (which when he mentioned that I thought...I'm going to have to google that) and a few other things pertaining to this line of work and the Holy Spirit.  After the service we asked him to elaborate and he said this could mean that he would become a pastor or it could mean that he'll help the church in some way...maybe as an elder or in some other fashion.  That there were many ways he could be called to serve.  It was a little overwhelming listening to it all. 


Before Pastor Murdoch started speaking I had this overwhelming feeling that he was going to say that Cole was going to be a healer.  I didn't know how, but that was the feeling I got.  Which is why when he started talking about pastoral care I thought I needed to google it because I wasn't sure if that would be the same as a healer. 


When Pastor Murdoch finished we were getting ready to sit down and one of the Elders stopped him and started speaking with him.  He said he was getting a message from God that Cole was going to be a healer....EXACTLY the feeling I got!  I've copied and pasted a message from David (the elder) here because I want this documented as closely as possible.

God really moved upon Cole as Pastor was laying his hands on the child. As he was prophesying that Cole would be a pastor, and elaborated somewhat on that pastoral call, I received a word of knowledge from the Lord that said that “in his pastoral ministry, sign and wonders would follow him and he would receive the gift of healing.” The timing is up to the Lord, but it is very unusual that the Lord would call someone to the pastoral ministry as an infant. Obviously, Samuel was so called as a young boy; David was called as a leader as a young boy, and I am sure others since have been called at an early age. But when Pastor Murdoch prophesied of a pastoral call I knew this was something special. And suddenly, when the word of Knowledge came to me it was like “this will not be a usual pastoral call, but a special call of healing.”


My thought is that Cole should be nurtured to know that he has this call on his life. Not heavy, just make him aware of it. Then let the Holy Spirit do the work. You never know what will happen or when, but it sounds exciting!


Blessings,
David

Its still a little overwhelming to me when I think about and remember the feelings during the service.  I've been praying more lately and really talking to the Lord and asking for his help and I can feel him changing me and leading me.  I honestly thought people who talked about this kind of praying and feeling were a little over the top before.  I grew up with our structured prayers and rarely really talked to God.  It's an awesome feeling to talk to God and to feel his presence and really feel him making a difference in my life and our family's lives. 

Caitlyn Cuteness

We were driving in the car and Caitlyn yells at Jared "Daddy...the sun made sky blue just for you!!!  Its your favorite color!" 

She's been noticing the colors in the sky lately.  Its been staying lighter longer at night and so we usually see the beautiful sunsets on our way home from daycare.  She loves all the colors and is really noticing things happening around her. 

Another cute quote from her..."Daddy you're really good at taking walls down"

We're remodeling and taking 2 walls down so we have one big great room instead of the kitchen/dining/livingroom. 

What My Nights Look Like

This was from Monday night.

• 8:00PM - Caitlyn is in bed for the night
• 9:00PM - I'm in bed for the night
• 10:00PM - Jared brings Cole in and wakes me up because he thinks he'll be too hot in his sleep sack...because Jared has a hoodie on and has been sitting in front of the space heater and is hot. 
• 10:05PM - Jared puts Cole in the pack & play for bed
• 11:00PM - I put Cole's Paci in
• 12:00AM - Caitlyn comes in and wants to sleep in our bed.  I get Jared up and he takes Caitlyn back to her bed and gets her back to sleep.
• 1:00AM to 4:00AM - I fight with Cole to keep the paci in. 
• 4:00AM - I finally give up and feed Cole a bottle. 
• 4:30AM - Cole is back to sleep & I change the alarm from 5:30AM to 6:00AM
• 6:00AM - alarm goes off & Jared gets out of bed
• 6:20AM - Jared is coming back in our room to get me out of bed

I am one exhausted momma!  Cole has a cold so he's been up more than normal.  I've been joking that the kids tag team the night before which one is going to get up early the next morning.  It seems like one of them is always up between 4 and 5 in the mornings. 

Recognition

Yesterday as we were driving home at a stop light Caitlyn see's a sign for Camelot Cleaners and she says "mommy...is that my name?"  She obviously is starting to recognize letters and is becoming more aware of letters and words.  I thought that was so cool!  Yea for my little girl learning and growing and becoming her own person.  Even when she's driving me crazy with always wanting to be independent! 

Caitlyn Quote of the Week

Caitlyn: Mama!  Come see what the TV did to my show!

Me: Are there commercials on?

Caitlyn:  Yes!

She is so spoiled.  We haven't watched a lot of regular tv.  We usually steam something on Netflix when she watches but I've been lazy lately.  So she doesn't understand the concept of commercials and that her show will come back on within minutes. 

Holiday Fun

This year we are having so much fun getting ready for Christmas! 

We introduced our family Elf.  We read the story behind the elf and watched a tv special that I recorded on DVR.  Caitlyn decided to name him Matthew despite my attempts to name him something cute and fun.  Every night he goes back to the North Pole and reports to Santa how she was that day.  Then she has to find his new hiding spot each morning.  It's been so much fun! 

We went to the Museum downtown to see the huge Christmas tree and Santa with PaPa and Grandma Darling.  Caitlyn was all excited about seeing Santa until we were next in line.  She ended up in my lap again this year.  At least this year we sat next to him and not on the floor below him!  We also toured the museum and all the trains.  Caitlyn loves trains right now! 

We took family photo's and the kids individual photo's in front of the Christmas tree for our Christmas card.  I have so much fun picking out a fun card to use each year!  We actually got the family picture in the first sitting.  The past 2 years we've had to try 2 or 3 different times.  I love how our card turned out this year! 

Last week Caitlyn had her Christmas Program at school.  I was so excited about this!  The set up was kind of crappy so it was hard to see all the kids since I didn't get there early enough and were in the back row.  I did get a small video and a couple of pictures though.  We then helped decorate a gingerbread house in her classroom before going home. 

My Christmas shopping is all done and all the gifts are wrapped! 

Last Saturday we celebrated with Grandma Kendy's family in Seward.  Lunch and Pitch...unfortunately Caitlyn was sick with diarrhea so we didn't get to stay long after lunch. 

Last Sunday we celebrated with my immediate family.  We included Uncle Tony's new girlfriend Darcy who I just love and picked names.  We opened gifts and ate dinner.  Caitlyn got up at 6:00 that morning and has given up naps so she was pretty tired and crabby by the end of the night.  But we still had a lot of fun! 

Christmas Eve we'll go to Church and then dinner at Biaggi's with PaPa and Grandma Darling. 

Christmas Morning is just the four of us and my dad may join us for breakfast casserole!  Totally laid back and all about us!  So excited!   

I am so full of happiness and joy this year.  I can't imagine it being any better than this!